Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
