the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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