I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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