Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
