No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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