I smell stomach acid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
