i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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