I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
