My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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