if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
