We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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