I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
