yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
