dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
