She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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