dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
