Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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