They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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