I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
