Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
