i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
