i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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