Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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