did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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