the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
