yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
