I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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