Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
