HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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