You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
