it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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