You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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