Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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