Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
