I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
