She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
