does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
