it wasn't lemon gatorade
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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