first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
