that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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