Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
