Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
