i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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