he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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