Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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