one two three fourrrrnication!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
