Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
