I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
