party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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