I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
