True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
