good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
