You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
