upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
