So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I deserve this hangover.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
