Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
