I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
