i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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